Edge of Seventeen

I can't believe that my oldest daughter will be 17 in less than a month. How can that be? Where does the time go? For some reason, this is a tough one for me.


I struggled when she turned ten. That was rough. Her sisters were six and three at the time. I loved it when people would ask me, "How old are your kids?" and I could answer: "3, 6, and 9." For whatever reason, those seemed like the perfect ages. Cassidy was little enough to still be the baby, but was somewhat independent. Whitney was in Kindergarten - which is always fun. And Kaylee hadn't yet hit the double digits. So, once she turned ten, it felt like the end of an era.

I also struggled when she turned 13. Wow...a teenager. This was the beginning of something big. Everyone warns you of the tumultuous times that lie ahead, but nothing can really prepare you for it. Traditionally a "clingy" child, she slowly went from never wanting to be away from me to avoid all interaction with me. I try not to take it personally (most of the time), and tell myself she is right on schedule. She's testing boundaries and stretching her wings and learning some of life's lessons along the way. This is exactly what she is supposed to be doing to prepare us both for her eventual independence. I doubt if we are through the worst of this yet, but everyone also tells me that some day we will come out on the other side of this as friends. I am trusting them, while trying to be patient and wait it out.

Obviously, 16 was a big year, with the whole driving responsibility. But, I actually looked forward to that hurdle, since I had been shuttling three kids to a myriad of activities for many years at that point. In reality, I was more ready than she was at first, and had to nudge (push) her on more than once occasion to finally get that license in her hand.

So, you wouldn't think that 17 would be a big milestone. But, I feel like we are rapidly approaching the end of another era, and I am helpless to stop it from happening. Seventeen is only one year away from 18...the legal age of adulthood. I realize that doesn't signal the end of my parenting. We are parents forever, and the worry and stress will continue for many years to come. Also, since she started school when she was six, she will still have another year at home before she begins her journey to wherever life will lead her. But, I can't fathom being the mom of an 18-year old. I still remember leaving the hospital with her, and sitting in the back seat crying as she screamed for the entire car ride. I still remember bouncing a colicky infant for hours into the night, praying for three consecutive hours of uninterrupted sleep. I still remember pushing a stroller through department stores, eyeing the "back to school" clothes and becoming giddy at the thought of shopping for her first day of school.

First days of school, loose teeth, fights with friends, sleepovers, first dances, first boyfriends. It all happened just yesterday.

I can feel a mix of emotions well up within me. Fear that it is nearing an end. Regret over being a working mom. Anxiety that I have screwed her up for life. I should have been more/less strict. We should have taken more family vacations. I shouldn't have yelled so much.

Sigh.

At this point, I can't turn back time or un-ring that bell. So, my only choice is to look forward. Two years of high school down (almost) and two more to go. Ready or not, prom dress shopping, ACTs, and college visits are all in my near future. I resolve to make the most of these two years. They will be gone in the blink of an eye.

Trust me - I know.